New Wars For The Decider to Start Before He Leaves Office

Time is running short! There is only a year left, and frustratingly,
getting the War With Iran, the highly anticipated sequel to the
War With Iraq started is turning out to be difficult and slow.

The fact is, we need another war, and we need it fast. So, if
Mr. Bush can't get the highly desired Iran War going, maybe he can
find some new targets. Now I know that he's very emotionally
invested in the Iran War, but there are times we all must step
back and breath for a moment. In those moments, we may see more
clearly the other possibilities in our lives.

For instance:

The War With Chad

REASON:
Those stinking Chadeans (etc., etc.) We'll work up the rest.
BUSINESS PLAN:
Double defense spending! Because "they're small,
deceptively small, and they can sneak around more easily that way."
Every month a new "Chadean Alert" will be raised showing the
need to invade and increase defense spending. In retirement,
Donald Rumsfeld will be the Elder Statesman leading the way,
and he will also be the spokesperson for the consortium of
defense contractors who will be paid for the war.

The War of Protection from Ghana

REASON:
Stop threatening us, you Ghanians, you!
BUSINESS PLAN:
Quick, point out on a map where Ghana is. See the
beauty of this? No one knows much about Ghana. This would be a
good one to test out new weapons on. Many villages are available
for bombing and weapons tests, as soon as they "threaten" us.
Send Richard Perle there (he needs a vacation) for a week, in a
"last ditch diplomatic effort". Once Rich is out, start the bombing.
Let's see if we can get Blackwater to start an air force on this one
and let's just bomb the living shit out of them. The bombs can be
made cheaply in neighboring countries, where workers are happy to
make pennies a day, and the bombs can be purchased by the US
taxpayers for a HUGE markup. Then, Blackwater's new air force
will take it from there and start hoisting the bombs on the heads
of those Threatening Ghanians.

The War on Murder

REASON:
Murder is killing us! It must be stopped.
BUSINESS PLAN:
Like the War on Terror, this is a nebulous concept that can be
put to enlesss use. Who doesn't dislike murder, at least a
little? Who wouldn't like to have it entirely eradicated? So,
any country where murder happens will be labelled as a "murder-
supporting state". Then, we can send in Blackwater to start
blowing things up, randomly arresting whoever we want, and
torturing. The joy of torture will be one of the easy side
benefits of this - after all, who wouldn't want to see a "dirty
murder supporter" get what's coming to 'em? The possibilities
for profit are endless, literally, because this is a war that
isn't going to end anytime soon.

Mr. Bush, I know none of these wars will be as "cool" as the one you
want with Iran. But stop crying on your pillow! Cheer up! There are
still plenty or wars to be had, if you only open your mind. There is
also plenty of time to work up a successful promotional campaign for
a new war to hand to your successor.

As a much more confident Bush used to say "Bring em' on!".