Working On the Third Testament

It is a fine Sunday evening at Nina's Coffee Cafe in St. Paul,
and the magic of the evening is slowly dissipating my dark
fantasies of doing nasty things to Generalissimo Bush and
Commandante Cheney. Maybe it helps that I'm only drinking
decaf.

The slow grind of the rusty wheels of democracy are being heard
here in the hinterlands, which really aren't hinterlands anymore.
Democracy is almost dead, and it certainly isn't a sport for the
poor or even the non-influential. Yet enough members of the
elite have been pissed off by the arrogance (shock!) and
incompetance (who knew?!) of the leadership currently installed
for them to make a fuss. So Congress is prying into the workings
of the Sacred Cheney.

The Bush Administration, while still no doubt hand-picked by
God, now raises doubts about just which god it was that did the
picking.

This god certainly had an evil sense of humor. A vengeful bastard.
Which goes to show that the Old Testament prick we read about
and are appalled by is back. Maybe somewhere out there a third
testament is being written - and this new one is much more like
the first - fantastic tales of exceptional cruelty, jealousy, stupidity.
And it's featuring the Bush Administration.

It becomes smack-my-face-with-a-frying-pan obvious that this
president was chosen by God over Jesus strenuous objections. God,
in yet another of his drunken, enraged, jealous stupors, whapped
Jesus across a galactic cluster and plunked George W. Bush into
office just to piss off that insufferable do-gooder. Like a frat-boy
College Republican saying crap to just to piss off the oh-so-sincere
liberals, God is having a bit of diefic fun.

So the president, pretending to be still on Jesus side as he stumbles
and slides into the pit of being The Worst President Ever, carries
out the will of a much harsher, more irrational God.

This story isn't even half over yet, and I'm sure we don't even know
half of what's really gone on already. I just know that it'll make one
hell of a third testament when it's finally compiled.