Friday, January 30, 2009

The Colossus Has Exited the Proscenium

May I kindly take this moment of your time for a celebratory paragraph for our vaunted Ex-President, Our Supreme Leader of All Time, His Excellency; the Commandante George W. Bush?

The transition to a new "president" was as nothing to most true red blooded Americans, as this demi-god will, in our hearts, be our personal Commander In Chief for Life. His accomplishments were endless, too numerable to mention, his failures nonexistant. To all True Red Blooded Capitalist Americans, Supreme Commandante Generalissimo George W. Bush will be the one and only Leader and Decider in our hears, as long as they may beat for His Glory. May he live forever, and come to rule America once again, with his fist of iron, and his judgement of Jehovah.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


Friday, August 08, 2008

Thursday, January 24, 2008

New Wars For The Decider to Start Before He Leaves Office

Time is running short! There is only a year left, and frustratingly,
getting the War With Iran, the highly anticipated sequel to the
War With Iraq started is turning out to be difficult and slow.

The fact is, we need another war, and we need it fast. So, if
Mr. Bush can't get the highly desired Iran War going, maybe he can
find some new targets. Now I know that he's very emotionally
invested in the Iran War, but there are times we all must step
back and breath for a moment. In those moments, we may see more
clearly the other possibilities in our lives.

For instance:

The War With Chad

Those stinking Chadeans (etc., etc.) We'll work up the rest.
Double defense spending! Because "they're small,
deceptively small, and they can sneak around more easily that way."
Every month a new "Chadean Alert" will be raised showing the
need to invade and increase defense spending. In retirement,
Donald Rumsfeld will be the Elder Statesman leading the way,
and he will also be the spokesperson for the consortium of
defense contractors who will be paid for the war.

The War of Protection from Ghana

Stop threatening us, you Ghanians, you!
Quick, point out on a map where Ghana is. See the
beauty of this? No one knows much about Ghana. This would be a
good one to test out new weapons on. Many villages are available
for bombing and weapons tests, as soon as they "threaten" us.
Send Richard Perle there (he needs a vacation) for a week, in a
"last ditch diplomatic effort". Once Rich is out, start the bombing.
Let's see if we can get Blackwater to start an air force on this one
and let's just bomb the living shit out of them. The bombs can be
made cheaply in neighboring countries, where workers are happy to
make pennies a day, and the bombs can be purchased by the US
taxpayers for a HUGE markup. Then, Blackwater's new air force
will take it from there and start hoisting the bombs on the heads
of those Threatening Ghanians.

The War on Murder

Murder is killing us! It must be stopped.
Like the War on Terror, this is a nebulous concept that can be
put to enlesss use. Who doesn't dislike murder, at least a
little? Who wouldn't like to have it entirely eradicated? So,
any country where murder happens will be labelled as a "murder-
supporting state". Then, we can send in Blackwater to start
blowing things up, randomly arresting whoever we want, and
torturing. The joy of torture will be one of the easy side
benefits of this - after all, who wouldn't want to see a "dirty
murder supporter" get what's coming to 'em? The possibilities
for profit are endless, literally, because this is a war that
isn't going to end anytime soon.

Mr. Bush, I know none of these wars will be as "cool" as the one you
want with Iran. But stop crying on your pillow! Cheer up! There are
still plenty or wars to be had, if you only open your mind. There is
also plenty of time to work up a successful promotional campaign for
a new war to hand to your successor.

As a much more confident Bush used to say "Bring em' on!".

Monday, January 14, 2008

The Age of Morono-Wars

We are in a great new age of warfare - the "Morono-Wars." Moronic wars promoted by idiots with a vested interest in stupidity.

MoronoWars (TM) are pointless wars of oblivion, that destroy both sides, that waste trillions, and that, in the end, signify the nothingness of the empty black hole of political oblivion. You know what I mean .

They are not created to fight evil, or because they are necessary (how very old-fashioned that is!), they are there because they make a lot of money. They are fought for the egos of Presidents. Take Iraq for instance, obviously. Or the new, nascent war so fervently being promoted by our unfortunately still sitting "President" - the Bush baby.

The Bush Baby - who increasingly is looking like a talking turd. But not just any old talking turd - an irrelevant talking turd. And I say that in the most objective way imaginable.

I am referring to his much-desired sequel to the Iraq war, otherwise known as "The Iran War". This will be a war where a lot of expensive bombs are dropped, from very expensive planes, and expensive bullets rip through the bodies of inexpensive victims. It will be a war that, after a few years and a few more trillion of borrowed money (from China) we will all start to wake up from our television sets with a collective "WTF?"

The war will be fought by inexpensive soldiers, unless they are private soldiers, and then they, and their masters, will be very well paid. Because the only good soldier is a soldier who is accountable to a private businessman, and not the American public.

The Bush Baby just can't wait to start bombing the suburbs of Tehran. I wonder which family commuting to day care will be the first to be slaughtered? Bush can't wait. The bombs will be soooo well paid for. And of course, the victims will be, like, totally anonymous. Better, the victims will be made out to be evil. That suburban Iranian mother and her kids will be made out to be vicious Islamofascists (TM), of course. in the theater of illusion that our coordinated media will create.

So let's sit back, worry about Bittany and OJ, and enjoy the next chapter in the age of MoronoWars - because, after all, a failed dry drunk oil company executive wants one, dammit!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Vibrating with Anticipation

Bush and Cheney are vibrating with anticipation over bombing Iran. They are SO excited about it. They want it sooooo bad - it's the only thing that really seems to animate them anymore. They feel their administrations clock ticking and want to give birth to this last bit of profitable death and mayhem before their time is up.

You can see it in their eyes, read it in their faces. It is the last dream, the last really, really big, underlined in red, "must do" thing that was on their list when their placement in office was engineered. Sure, gutting Social Security would be nice. Destroying the domestic sphere is always a goal for them, but the last big, big goal that they had was to start a war with Iran.

I'm sure they will do all they can to start a war, or, as is delicatley put these days a "conflict" with Iran before they leave office. They are trying to provoke a fight, waving flags of aggression and annoyance at Iran, trying to get them to do something that will be perceived as an "attack" or "too aggressive" so they can grab onto it and use it as a premise for their own much anticipated aggression.

But we all know this. If you are reading this, you probably mostly agree with my premise already. So why are they so excited? Why do they want this so badly, especially seeing how things turned out for them in Iraq? Is it just that this is the plan as laid out by the New American Century group in the 90's, and they are just doggedly sticking to it no matter what? It rather seems that way.

Maybe they think that Iraq isn't working because they haven't gone far enough। Their plan always was to change Iran too, after all. Originally, Irans theocracy was supposed to melt away by the brilliance of the stable capitalist democracy to its east. Well as they say, that ain't gonna happen. The army got bogged down on its sweep to Tehran in a little city called Baghdad.

This administration hopes that they can bestow one more gift on us, and particularly on the next administration - a three-front war, all decked out in red and green. This is what still animates them. This is what makes them vibrate.

One more possibility - maybe Iraq is going as well as they'd hoped. After all, there is a lot of money to be made by the right people with the right friends from this enterprise. Create chaos, then exploit it. Its a good business model.

After all, this president said he'd run the country more like a business. Of course, he was thinking of Enron. And in that regard, he as been wildly successful.

Saturday, July 28, 2007


Let us now attack, ridicule, and point out the weaknesses of a
philosophy that has gotten a free ride for too long: the utopian
zit known as "libetarianism".

People who believe in libetarianism believe in an ideal world
where all decisions are made by pure economic self-interest. They
believe that if there were no government, that anarchy would
naturally lead to a peaceful state of universal harmony. If only we
couild get rid of the fire department, police department, and all
deliberative bodies, then humanitys naturally angelic side would
come out and show itself.

Libetarianism starts with an ideal state. It says that one day, long
ago, everyone was a rugged individual living in a cabin with a gun,
a dog, and intense solitude. These individuals needed nothing from
others. They were totally self-sufficient. How they got there, no
one knows. However it was, it sure wasn't with the help of anyone
else. It was a rather autistic world in those days.

So, there I am, in my cabin, with no social skills. Then it occurs to
me that I'd like to have your cabin, too. What's to stop me,
besides you? If I defeat you, it's mine, right? There is no law, after
all. There is no society. Only isolated individuals.

So I go over and shoot you, and your land is mine. Well that was
easy. I start accumulating lots of land this way, because I am more
of a ruthless psycho than my neighbors, and this gives me an
advantage. Eventually it occurs to me that I could keep some of
these others alive as long as they'd give all their labor to me. Voila!
I have slaves. A libetarian paradise is born.

There is no law but the gun and the shock of ruthless self-interest.
In the real world, this would be most like Somalia, or rural Pakistan
- currently stateless areas as of this writing (2007). These are the
places that best exemplify what happens when libetarianism is put
into practice. Stateless, they are therefore ideal for the more
powerful warlords to rule over the less powerful local terrorists.
Meanwhile, the common people cower or go along to survive.

Libetarian paradise!

So, okay.

Let's start with another scenario. Let's start with todays world, as
it is, and slowly turn it into a libetarian paradise. Let's defund
roads, schools, police, fire departments, all law-making bodies and
courts, no public health care or social security of any kind. Of course,
you can see how this will lead to an ideal world.

Libetarianism is an idealist fantasy, founded on a fallacy, and
supported by ignorance. Like the Easter Bunny, it is pleasant enough
to believe in, but not practical to count on when taken seriously. It's
kind of a geek thing - like believing in Star Wars. Serious people are
not libetarians, not really.

Serious people may toy with the idea as an amusement, but soon
realize its limitations in reality, and set it aside. Never trust an old
libetarian - they have a screw loose, or a disengenuous axe to grind.
In other words - they're liars or they're nuts. Avoid them. If they're
not taken seriously, they're harmless. If taken seriously, they are
very dangerous. Public policy should not be based on fantasy.

Libetarians are coddled by the media. This is because they're
entertaining, and they have some positions that appeal to almost
all parts of the political spectrum. So, they are for not stupid drug
laws - yay from the left! They are against all taxes - yay from the
right! But those cartoonish positions mask the problems that lie
underneath this philosophy that show through if you so much as
dust its surface.

A few of the false premises of libetarianism:

- The assumption that lawlessness leads to order.
- The assumption that all humans started on an even playing field.
- The casual acceptance of cruel ends to the "losers" of the game
(No medical care for the poor, no justice for the weak.)
- The assumption that an individual can find a better life for himself
alone, rather than with the support of a group.
- The assumption that human achievement can be done without
support of a community.

Libetarianism is the philosophy of curious fourteen year olds, the
temporary stance of a person with no real life experience. It is the
classic "sounds like a good idea until you think about it" idea.

Keith Webster

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Trickle-Down Economics Explained

Please click for an enlarged view.