New Wars For The Decider to Start Before He Leaves Office

Time is running short! There is only a year left, and frustratingly,
getting the War With Iran, the highly anticipated sequel to the
War With Iraq started is turning out to be difficult and slow.

The fact is, we need another war, and we need it fast. So, if
Mr. Bush can't get the highly desired Iran War going, maybe he can
find some new targets. Now I know that he's very emotionally
invested in the Iran War, but there are times we all must step
back and breath for a moment. In those moments, we may see more
clearly the other possibilities in our lives.

For instance:

The War With Chad

REASON:
Those stinking Chadeans (etc., etc.) We'll work up the rest.
BUSINESS PLAN:
Double defense spending! Because "they're small,
deceptively small, and they can sneak around more easily that way."
Every month a new "Chadean Alert" will be raised showing the
need to invade and increase defense spending. In retirement,
Donald Rumsfeld will be the Elder Statesman leading the way,
and he will also be the spokesperson for the consortium of
defense contractors who will be paid for the war.

The War of Protection from Ghana

REASON:
Stop threatening us, you Ghanians, you!
BUSINESS PLAN:
Quick, point out on a map where Ghana is. See the
beauty of this? No one knows much about Ghana. This would be a
good one to test out new weapons on. Many villages are available
for bombing and weapons tests, as soon as they "threaten" us.
Send Richard Perle there (he needs a vacation) for a week, in a
"last ditch diplomatic effort". Once Rich is out, start the bombing.
Let's see if we can get Blackwater to start an air force on this one
and let's just bomb the living shit out of them. The bombs can be
made cheaply in neighboring countries, where workers are happy to
make pennies a day, and the bombs can be purchased by the US
taxpayers for a HUGE markup. Then, Blackwater's new air force
will take it from there and start hoisting the bombs on the heads
of those Threatening Ghanians.

The War on Murder

REASON:
Murder is killing us! It must be stopped.
BUSINESS PLAN:
Like the War on Terror, this is a nebulous concept that can be
put to enlesss use. Who doesn't dislike murder, at least a
little? Who wouldn't like to have it entirely eradicated? So,
any country where murder happens will be labelled as a "murder-
supporting state". Then, we can send in Blackwater to start
blowing things up, randomly arresting whoever we want, and
torturing. The joy of torture will be one of the easy side
benefits of this - after all, who wouldn't want to see a "dirty
murder supporter" get what's coming to 'em? The possibilities
for profit are endless, literally, because this is a war that
isn't going to end anytime soon.

Mr. Bush, I know none of these wars will be as "cool" as the one you
want with Iran. But stop crying on your pillow! Cheer up! There are
still plenty or wars to be had, if you only open your mind. There is
also plenty of time to work up a successful promotional campaign for
a new war to hand to your successor.

As a much more confident Bush used to say "Bring em' on!".

The Age of Morono-Wars

We are in a great new age of warfare - the "Morono-Wars." Moronic wars promoted by idiots with a vested interest in stupidity.

MoronoWars (TM) are pointless wars of oblivion, that destroy both sides, that waste trillions, and that, in the end, signify the nothingness of the empty black hole of political oblivion. You know what I mean .

They are not created to fight evil, or because they are necessary (how very old-fashioned that is!), they are there because they make a lot of money. They are fought for the egos of Presidents. Take Iraq for instance, obviously. Or the new, nascent war so fervently being promoted by our unfortunately still sitting "President" - the Bush baby.

The Bush Baby - who increasingly is looking like a talking turd. But not just any old talking turd - an irrelevant talking turd. And I say that in the most objective way imaginable.

I am referring to his much-desired sequel to the Iraq war, otherwise known as "The Iran War". This will be a war where a lot of expensive bombs are dropped, from very expensive planes, and expensive bullets rip through the bodies of inexpensive victims. It will be a war that, after a few years and a few more trillion of borrowed money (from China) we will all start to wake up from our television sets with a collective "WTF?"

The war will be fought by inexpensive soldiers, unless they are private soldiers, and then they, and their masters, will be very well paid. Because the only good soldier is a soldier who is accountable to a private businessman, and not the American public.

The Bush Baby just can't wait to start bombing the suburbs of Tehran. I wonder which family commuting to day care will be the first to be slaughtered? Bush can't wait. The bombs will be soooo well paid for. And of course, the victims will be, like, totally anonymous. Better, the victims will be made out to be evil. That suburban Iranian mother and her kids will be made out to be vicious Islamofascists (TM), of course. in the theater of illusion that our coordinated media will create.

So let's sit back, worry about Bittany and OJ, and enjoy the next chapter in the age of MoronoWars - because, after all, a failed dry drunk oil company executive wants one, dammit!